I then looked down and realized I had made the entire trip home with my fly unzipped.

Everyone has those days in which things do not go according to plan. Today was one of those days.

I wake up, make some tea, eat some cereal, watch some golden girls (which is always raunchier than I remember it being), make some pizza to take to the office potluck, shower, get dressed, figure out the bus I need to take, etc.

I set out on my journey into Virginia from the Shaw-Howard University Metro stop. All is well and I make it to the Ballston Metro stop in Virginia. Then the epic wait for the 22A bus begins. I wait almost an hour for the bus and alas it arrives.

I enter the bus and sit down. Meanwhile the whole time I have my ipod on and the earbuds in my ears. All of a sudden I realize. I am at the 34th street stop. I needed to get off at 6th street.

I'm not even in the right county at this point. Whatever, so I call my coworker to try to figure out where I am. I get off the bus, and wait for the bus coming from the other direction to come.

It's cold. I need to urinate. I am tempted to pop a squat in someone's yard. Like any classy young lady would-- I refrained, in pain. (check it, I rhymed the shit out of that)

I get on the bus going back towards the correct bus stop and this man feels the need to stare at me the whole way. Oy men can be creeeepers sometimes.

Finally, I make it to my coworkers house where the potluck has been in swing for already 2 hours. Happy I finally made it. I ate some quiche and some of the pizza I had made.

There was a Haiku game and a round of the card game bullshit.

If I do say so myself, the pizza was superb. Naan bread, with tomato sauce (onion, garlic, and basil) mozzarella cheese, roasted butternut squash, zucchini, cherry tomatoes, and feta cheese.

yum.

As I walk in the door at home... I looked down and my fly was open.

I'm here to entertain. That is all.

So you know when someone says something and you misunderstand what they say?

The other day two friends and I were walking through the Smithsonian Natural History Museum Mineral collection. One of them is discussing a family member's ownership of a gold mine.

She says, "my family had stake in a gold mine."

I, however, did not hear this.

I heard, " my family had steak in a gold mine."

So I say, "Oh, cool. Is that like a tourist thing?"

She responds somewhat perplexed, "umm, no. They owned part of a gold mine."

"Oh, I thought you meant they ate steak in a gold mine."

My second friend... walks away for a moment in disbelief.

Sometimes I am inadvertently ditsy.

Drunken internet conversation with former romantic interests.

Never a good call as I discovered last night.

As I am living with older roommates who enjoy wine, I am drinking a lot of wine as well.

Not that I am not enjoying the vino, but oy ve voy. Bad call getting on facebook chat and talking to the cherry popper when drunk, while simultaneously chatting with a boy I dated in high school, while also encouraging a close friend via text message to engage in debaucherous behavior... ;) (I'm such a fantastic influence on those around me. Always.)

In retrospect it is both embarrassing and I feel kind of guilty. However a few days from now I may find this highly amusing

fireplaces

I've almost been in our lovely nations capital for a week and have greatly enjoyed myself.

However, there have been a few wardrobe malfunctions in this new climate.

As a Floridian, I own a lot of skirts and dresses and the most logical way to make these East Coast winter is to wear a few layers of tights and leggings underneath.

Alas, my bag that I brought to this lovely city with me, is an over the shoulder bag. You know the kind that rests over your tush.

So one day I decided to wear a dress and as I was walking to the metro from my house, I realize that the entire back has ridden up underneath my bag.

Oh, well. I hold it down.

It happens again at least 2 more times that day.

The day before I got toilet paper stuck to my boots.

Yes, I am that kind of girl.

Yesterday, I wore a skirt. A pretty flowy skirt, bad bad call in the snow/ wind. Alas, my business was cold. I do not think that god, or whatever creator, higher power did not intend for said area to be chilled.

Did I mention that I have finally discovered the purpose of a fire place? Its pretty sweet. So it turns out, that when its cold, you turn it on (well a gas one) and it makes you warm. Who knew?

So this internship business. oy.

Who knew clerical work could be so titillating?

The man in charge of the particular NGO I am working for is a former ambassador, and thus can only be referred to as "Ambassador."

He discusses some fundraising project.

My fellow intern suggests a bake sale. Seriously? A bake sale.

FTW.

the joys of political incorrectness

Oh my.

So Pam and I were having one of our late night mother-daughter bonding conversations. We were having a someone politically incorrect conversation. And I used the word ebonics.

Pam says, "Is that even a word? It sounds like something to evacuate your bowels."

Thanks Pam. Just for being you.

post-holiday shopping

Post-Holiday Shopping: Day 1

For some reason, some insane reason I thought it would be a reasonable idea to go to the Orlando outlets the day after Christmas.

Yes, yes I know. I'm insane. Five hours. Gridlock traffic. FUCK ME.

Ashley, yes it was my idea... but you concurred. :P

Two and a half hours into said traffic, we make it to Millennia Mall, but not the Prime Outlets because some brilliant highway planner didn't make an interstate exit at the outlets. Can anyone say fail?

But the day was not without its high points. Who got J. Crew cords for 13 bucks (that were originally $80)? That is correct. I did. WIN. And of course the company was lovely. Most people I would have punched in the face after that much time in a confined space with, but me an Ashley just discussed how all the assholes driving around cutting us off and being generally charming human beings should get a venereal disease or two of the face....

:)

Classy ladies are we not?

Post-Holiday Shopping: Day 2

Yesterday, oh yesterday. The day of hot hot boots.

Since my departure for the District of Columbia is imminent, I needed boots. Thus, Pam and I went to the mall...

Not as crowded as day 1, but still pretty painful.

*Pam just walked in and as I tilt the computer away, because quite frankly she is nosy and it is irritating, she says, "oh my you must be doing the porn again, bye then." fml*

I shall resume my mall anecdote.

DSW shoes= <3

I buy some calf-length brown leather boots with a 3-inch heel. :)

I also bought what they are calling, booties? Black. 3-inch heel.

I'm going to hurt myself.

Next we enter the mall, and I tell Pam I need to get a USB charger adapter for my Ipod. I go into the Apple store and make my purchase. Fucking overpriced... ugh.

I leave the store, Pam has effing disappeared. Woman needs a cow bell.

So I wander around looking for this petite plump woman... and I find her, in the Coach store?

Confusion.

And it occurred to me.

I need a crazy-postmenopausal- cat lady- mother leash. Most likely similar to the harness type apparatuses they make for offspring. I looked at pictures online. There are ones that you can just hold the handle. Or shit, you can even attach them to your belt! umm yessss...

I shall make parent sized ones. I'll make a fortune. Off to sew my Pam leash.

A new voyage will fill your life with untold memories

in bed.

For those unfamiliar some of us find it customary to state in bed at the end of reading the fortune found inside a fortune cookie.

Genius is the ability to reduce the complicated to the simple in bed.

Yes. I did eat chinese food for dinner on Christmas day. How nice of the chinese take-out places to stay open for all the non-christians and those who can't cook or are lazy on this day. (Yesterday at this point)...

I suppose I do not have any humor to offer today.