As if going to the gynecologist wasn't awkward enough something always occurs to make the experience just that much more... special.
Yesterday as I enter the lobby and waiting room of my "Women's Care" clinic, I recognize a woman sitting there that I recognize. It takes me 10 minutes but I finally realize she is my trig teacher from junior year of high school. oh goody....
After waiting nearly an hour in the waiting room, I finally get called back only to lie naked, covered only by scratchy paper, for around 30 minutes. I fell asleep-- Cold and Naked. I was awakened by the sound of the door and the doctor coming in.
They always tell you... RELAX RELAX. well fuck you miss thannng, but you are shoving something cold and metal and awkward in my pussy. oy. so relaxing doesn't exactly come naturally.
I don't know if it hurts everyone... but it really hurts me... and really at this point it shouldn't.
I ask her, "why does this hurt me soo much?"
doctor:, "oh because you're so tight"
my thoughts: how awkward... my doctor just old me... my vag was tight...
also... this is not a sufficient explanation.
fuuuuccccc...
I'm beginning to think I have been misinformed about sex. I hear its fun?
oy.
BUT the best gyno story I have to offer is my first pelvic exam.
This occured in 2006, I believe and I was quite frankly super uncomfortable.
It was a registered nurse, not a doctor who did it, but it was a woman so I assumed that it would be not awkward. whoa damn, was I WRONG...
After. It was over.
She goes, "aw come on that wasn't so bad. Plus, I know you liked me cause you squeezed my finger. ;)"
WHAAATTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT?
TRAUMA.
PAM was sitting in the room, in the chair in the corner behind a curtain. Of course, she thought it was hysterical. Absolutely hysterical. "Oh, thats soooo funny!" she says.
I sit there horrified.
I wanna go home now...
Back to yesterday.
Exam was performed.
Exam was finished.
Doctor says, "Merry Christmas" and walks out.
Wham. Bam. Happy Holidays.
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