Out of Character

Earlier today I was at Borders perusing through the magazines with a good friend and I stumbled upon the feminist magazine entitled bitch. I had read this magazine before, but not on a regular basis. I decided to pick it up and have a look. Its interesting that a feminist magazine uses the derogatory term for female and in a sense reclaims it and makes it something positive or at least... useful.

Generally it is uncharacteristic of me to pay attention to gender issues. Not to say that I care not at all, but I do not really care enough to think about them on a daily basis, or really frequently at all. It just does not concern me that much.

I found myself lately however contemplating gender roles regarding sexual relationships and thus found myself compelled to read this article in bitch magazine entitled, "After an orgasmless generation, was 2009 the year hip hop reinvented sex? (or at least noticed that two people can get off during it?)."

The article discusses how rap and hip hop music has historically portrayed women as sex objects and merely receptacles. The beginning of the article quotes, "Bitches ain't shit but hoes and tricks lick on these nuts and such the dick, and get the fuck out after you're done. Girl your legs keep shakin' you know I'm proud lookin' in your lovely face scream my name, you do it so loud."

Generally, I'm all about gender roles...like they don't bother me terribly as they do some women. But something about sexual inequality really frankly ticks me off. Because I think all too often, this sexual inequality can morph into sexual violence and I do think that is an issue worth addressing.

The article leaves you with:

Ideally, treating women respectfully shouldn't have to be a conscious business decision, but

in an industry that's selling first and foremost, an image, this particular one-- women getting off and men wanting them to-- is a big step forward. Like the more misogynist music before it, the recent bump in songs about doing right by the ladies sets up a self- reinforcing paradigm of what men should want and what women should get.

Absolutely...

The way african american music culture has treated women has always troubled me. And I'm happy to see some changes.

But for now, I'll get back in the kitchen and do something cooking and cleaning.

Lessons Learned and Messages Received

To be frank I have better days. I have had much better days than today.

I stood and looked at myself in the mirror and thought, "how did my life get to this point? how did my decisions make the paths that they have lately?"

Some of the decisions made and behaviors developed as of late are good and wonderful, others are self-destructive.

Today was a necessary reality check. Some lessons have to be learned the hard way.

Character building, no? I feel like my character has been pretty well built. I feel like my character is a fortress at this point. Physical pain, however is more difficult for me to cope with than emotional pain. Mind as fortress; body as delicate flower.

Oh New College, do I have some haterade for you.

This evening as my good friend Leila Shooshani and I ventured our way onto campus to do some friendly upperclassman lurking, I once again pondered the truly bizarre nature of the place that for whatever... unknown reason I chose to go to college.

Every year during the first freshman dorm meetings where the RAs babble about... whatever, a group of upperclassmen streak through all three Pei courtyards. I guess a lot of people are aware of this tradition before it occurs. As a 17 year old college freshman I was not cognizant of this event. Over 30 naked people jumping literally right over me was quite a new experience for me. The whole time I was hoping that no one would fall while they were jumping over my head.

Three years later, as I stood in the 2nd court of Pei with Lei, I found myself having similar thoughts of what the hell is going on in this school. This place is still very strange to me, and I've never quite gotten rid of my initial skepticism of the happenings here that many confuse as culture. Perhaps the group of 700 plus socially inept, yet mostly brilliant students do possess a culture, but it is for sure not one that I entirely understand or enjoy.

I just don't get it. As time passes, and I've had more opportunities to interact with other college students of the more mainstream tradition, the more I realize I don't fit here. Maybe I like social norms. Shit, maybe I even like gender roles on occasion, like wednesday afternoons. I don't want to be intellectual all the time. I don't want to be around counterculture all the time. I need something different something more....

I'm trying to view my time here as a period of anecdote collection and character building. A lot of people having a hard time believing this place exists. Tonight I found myself wondering the same thing.

Not that New College of Florida has been altogether useless, I have met some really wonderful people here. The list is short though.

Even though this summer had its annoying people and bad moments, It was for sure the best summer of my life. And I hope the people who were there that made it that way and impacted me and my life know it.

And to think I almost didn't go to Madison. How less rich my life would be.

College Town

I feel like being on all fours vomiting in the middle of the street would be a low point in someone's life.

I witnessed this last weekend here in Madison, Wisconsin. I was kind of taken aback. Perhaps, this is because the whole college town concept is new to me.

Although perhaps it happens more frequently than that.

I hope for her sake this girl did not remember that experience the next day. Honestly. no bueno.

Decisions. bad or good? I've been making them lately.

I'm pretty content with the decisions I have made lately.

I think. I suppose.

I miss my dog.

As a lactose intolerant vegetarian, the diet of the American midwest is not quite doing it for me.

But thats okay.

Lactaid. for the win.

Also... I think Marvin Gaye's sexual healing will be my summer theme song.

word.

Also, Arabic is really effing hard. oy.

Arabic. like whoa.

So.... this Arabic immersion programs. Interesting experience thus far.

oy ve voy.

Seizures. Fires. Lakes. Books. Movies.

The language contract that I will be signing on Monday, which I guess states that I will not be speaking any language other than Arabic this summer, may be highly problematic for my joke telling. I need to find out all of the dirty words before Sunday night... but I don't think my wit will be translatable into Arabic.

A summer without jokes? I never thought of this dilemma before.

Oh yeah... I'll go do an Arabic immersion program this summer. DAMN!

Come monday, we [the beginners] will be doing nothing but asking each other our names and how we are and where we are from for like a week until we learn other things! מה פיתאום?!?!?!?!?!???

גם, אני רוצה לדבר עברית ולא ערבית... מפני שבלבלת מאוד!!!!

Anywho... Arabic is hard...

I need to go hunting for some bird and by bird I mean....

Haaretz, ani lo yoda'at ma ani hoshevet...

The more I read about the Gaza Flotilla incident, the more confused I am.

I've read Haaretz. I've read Al-Jazeera. I've read BBC.

I'd like to think that Israel doesn't send its soldiers places for no reason. I'd like to think that those soldiers had good reason to fire on those Turkish people.

I'd like to think that.

But I don't know what to think.

I love Israel. so much.

Perhaps this is an oversimplification of the Israel situation, but I feel like it is two groups of people fighting over the land they love. Irrational as it may be to fight over a piece of land, and to do the things that people do to get that land, to keep that land. They kill, they fight, they... blow themselves up, they send their 18 year old children to the army...

But nothing is simple, I suppose.

Did the IDF shoot on non-violent peoples? How is one to know for sure? Israel says no. It seems everyone else says yes. Is it appropriate to call anti-semitism here? Can anti-semitism always be called upon as reasons for anti-Israel sentiment?

Reading media only gives me more questions, not answers. I want answers.

My thoughts, my feelings... about Israel are all confused and jumbled. When I think of Israel, I think of Ulpan. I think of sitting on the beach at the Port in Tel Aviv and reading a book. I think of taking a bus to Jerusalem for the weekend. I think of the Kotel. I think of my time, my short time, those five months of Tel Aviv. I close my eyes and I picture myself walking in the park along the Nahal Yarkon. I remember those days I would walk to the mall in Ramat Aviv and buy iced coffee from Aroma. I think about the wonderful friends I made. I remember the struggle I had with speaking Hebrew.

I remember the bad things about being in Israel too. I remember the questioning by El Al employees in the airport. The fact I was treated like a criminal because only part of my family is Jewish. Sure. most of my family is secular, be it the Jews or the Christians. What does it matter? Just because I didn't have a bat mitzvah, just because my mom doesn't care about Judaism... doesn't mean I don't care. Even if I was a Catholic, or a Muslim, or a Hindu, or a Baptist... what does it matter anyways? Not everyone is a threat. Sometimes, the little red-headed girl coming to Israel, is just a little red-headed girl coming to Israel to explore her heritage.

In the end, I think of Israel fondly. I have mostly positive, wonderful associations with Israel. I think of the food... Rugelach from the Marzipan bakery in Jerusalem, humus from Humus Said in Akko. I fantasize about these foods... about the lemonanna I drank at a cafe in Haifa.

Then there is Jerusalem. I love the city of Jerusalem. There is something about the vibe of the holy city. Not to be cliche, but it feels holy. The many times I rode the bus from Tel Aviv to Jerusalem, I always experienced a distinct change in demeanor as the bus would approach Jerusalem. Truly, Jerusalem of Gold.

My last day in Israel. I took the bus from my dorm to the Tel Aviv central bus station. Then I took the bus from Tel Aviv to Jerusalem. Then I took the bus to the old city. I went to the Kotel. I prayed at the Kotel. I tried to avoid crying as I left Jerusalem for the last time.

A year ago this coming Wednesday, I returned to Florida from my semester in Israel. It is hard for me to comprehend feelings of hatred people have for this place. This place-- Israel, is full of associations of joy and personal growth both spiritual and otherwise for me.

I do not deny that Israel sometimes does things that are regrettable. What country doesn't? But it is hard for me to accept the notion that Israel in its totality supports oppression.

dammit. I don't even know. If only these things could be solved as simply as a scraped knee with a little neosporin and a band-aid.

making lemonade

So I finished out the semester completely burned out, crying, drunk and puking on the bathroom floor and I was still making phallic jokes. win, perhaps?

I'm never drinking again...

gotcha, didn't I? I do love the Manichewitz...

I have to say that no matter how bad things get, I still manage to make lewd jokes.

Trying to move hungover isn't exactly a party, either... Moved three boxes to the car. gah. ef this, nap time? I think yes.

I have to say, the prospect of taking the fall semester off is terrifying, but possibly necessary. Just working and no new college, sounds pretty awesome... but then again I would like to get out of that microcosm as soon as humanly possible.

I still haven't quite figured out how to make this past semester funny. Living with rosemary's baby might be beyond humor, but then again maybe not.

I then looked down and realized I had made the entire trip home with my fly unzipped.

Everyone has those days in which things do not go according to plan. Today was one of those days.

I wake up, make some tea, eat some cereal, watch some golden girls (which is always raunchier than I remember it being), make some pizza to take to the office potluck, shower, get dressed, figure out the bus I need to take, etc.

I set out on my journey into Virginia from the Shaw-Howard University Metro stop. All is well and I make it to the Ballston Metro stop in Virginia. Then the epic wait for the 22A bus begins. I wait almost an hour for the bus and alas it arrives.

I enter the bus and sit down. Meanwhile the whole time I have my ipod on and the earbuds in my ears. All of a sudden I realize. I am at the 34th street stop. I needed to get off at 6th street.

I'm not even in the right county at this point. Whatever, so I call my coworker to try to figure out where I am. I get off the bus, and wait for the bus coming from the other direction to come.

It's cold. I need to urinate. I am tempted to pop a squat in someone's yard. Like any classy young lady would-- I refrained, in pain. (check it, I rhymed the shit out of that)

I get on the bus going back towards the correct bus stop and this man feels the need to stare at me the whole way. Oy men can be creeeepers sometimes.

Finally, I make it to my coworkers house where the potluck has been in swing for already 2 hours. Happy I finally made it. I ate some quiche and some of the pizza I had made.

There was a Haiku game and a round of the card game bullshit.

If I do say so myself, the pizza was superb. Naan bread, with tomato sauce (onion, garlic, and basil) mozzarella cheese, roasted butternut squash, zucchini, cherry tomatoes, and feta cheese.

yum.

As I walk in the door at home... I looked down and my fly was open.

I'm here to entertain. That is all.

So you know when someone says something and you misunderstand what they say?

The other day two friends and I were walking through the Smithsonian Natural History Museum Mineral collection. One of them is discussing a family member's ownership of a gold mine.

She says, "my family had stake in a gold mine."

I, however, did not hear this.

I heard, " my family had steak in a gold mine."

So I say, "Oh, cool. Is that like a tourist thing?"

She responds somewhat perplexed, "umm, no. They owned part of a gold mine."

"Oh, I thought you meant they ate steak in a gold mine."

My second friend... walks away for a moment in disbelief.

Sometimes I am inadvertently ditsy.

Drunken internet conversation with former romantic interests.

Never a good call as I discovered last night.

As I am living with older roommates who enjoy wine, I am drinking a lot of wine as well.

Not that I am not enjoying the vino, but oy ve voy. Bad call getting on facebook chat and talking to the cherry popper when drunk, while simultaneously chatting with a boy I dated in high school, while also encouraging a close friend via text message to engage in debaucherous behavior... ;) (I'm such a fantastic influence on those around me. Always.)

In retrospect it is both embarrassing and I feel kind of guilty. However a few days from now I may find this highly amusing

fireplaces

I've almost been in our lovely nations capital for a week and have greatly enjoyed myself.

However, there have been a few wardrobe malfunctions in this new climate.

As a Floridian, I own a lot of skirts and dresses and the most logical way to make these East Coast winter is to wear a few layers of tights and leggings underneath.

Alas, my bag that I brought to this lovely city with me, is an over the shoulder bag. You know the kind that rests over your tush.

So one day I decided to wear a dress and as I was walking to the metro from my house, I realize that the entire back has ridden up underneath my bag.

Oh, well. I hold it down.

It happens again at least 2 more times that day.

The day before I got toilet paper stuck to my boots.

Yes, I am that kind of girl.

Yesterday, I wore a skirt. A pretty flowy skirt, bad bad call in the snow/ wind. Alas, my business was cold. I do not think that god, or whatever creator, higher power did not intend for said area to be chilled.

Did I mention that I have finally discovered the purpose of a fire place? Its pretty sweet. So it turns out, that when its cold, you turn it on (well a gas one) and it makes you warm. Who knew?

So this internship business. oy.

Who knew clerical work could be so titillating?

The man in charge of the particular NGO I am working for is a former ambassador, and thus can only be referred to as "Ambassador."

He discusses some fundraising project.

My fellow intern suggests a bake sale. Seriously? A bake sale.

FTW.